thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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