Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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