shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
