my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
