There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
