you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
