So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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