Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
