Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
