pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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