you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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