Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
