I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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