benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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