omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My dick has a subreddit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
