I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
