This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
