why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
