nut hugger
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
