never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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