i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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