Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
