How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
