Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
