So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have feelings that need drinking.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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