Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize