so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
