I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
