I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
