Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize