good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
