I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will be naked everywhere
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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