I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
