their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the condom got lost in my hair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
