ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
