who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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