4 words: hood of his car
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dick has a subreddit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
