I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
