my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
