I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
