awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
