need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
