omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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