so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
