i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
