I wish my penis had an off switch
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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