you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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