i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
