My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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