I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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