This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
