i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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