WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
