I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as a side note pls kill me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
