where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
