he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
