i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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