I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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