When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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