i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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