he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize