tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
