No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
