Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
