she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
