You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
