The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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