tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
