Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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