Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
