imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
