Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
