My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
