the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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