how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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