We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
