WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
