when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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