I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
