I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
