i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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