i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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