Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
