Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
