listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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