that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
