You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize