I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
