Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
