i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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