You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
