What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
