oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
