When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
