A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
