This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
