I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
