and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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