Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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