Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
