tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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