i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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