Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
