Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
