He is such a slut. More and more my type.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to align my fucking chakras
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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